Bringing me joy: Soccer

I love the adrenaline rush.
I love the aching feet.
I love the bruises.
I love the huffing and puffing of my breath.
I love the pulsing pain in my muscles.
I love the endless pairs of socks streaming through the laundry.
I love the rank smelling boots.
I love the desperate bolt for the shower after practice or a game when you have two players under the same roof.
I love the scrimages that run so much longer than "five more minutes."
I love the passion some people have and some just don't.
I love how it makes me push myself to do better.
I may complain, but I love the pain in my muscles after I've worked my butt off at a practice or game.
I love this sport.

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For the girls

Why talk to me like I'm a dirty ad in magazine? I can hear you. I can see where you're gesturing to. I can see what you're talking about. I am not like that. I am not a playboy bunnie. I am Poppy. I have respect for my body. I ignore and brush off comments that inside make me want to scream. What if you talked to your mother like that? Colossians 3:19 says: "Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly."
What if that girl you're treating badly was your future wife and life? I don't think a lot of the guys that disrespect girls would think about that. There are those guys out there that don't talk about girls butts and boobs like they are candy. Those are the keepers. And there is always room for improvement. Always.
No disrespect.
Bless.

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Inspiration, hurt, falling, breaking.

Inspiration.
So many sources.
So many different types.
So many possibilities when on the high of inspiration.
You know what? I feel the inspiration right now. At this moment. I feel the inspiration to write and write and write. I need this now. I rely on this blog to vent my feelings. Talking can only get you so far. Writing is an endless river for me to ride. To swim. To sink in. To surface in my time of need.
Right now, I honestly feel like nothing else could go wrong.
Truth is, I'm struggling. So bad am I struggling. I don't know what to do but pray, hope, and have faith that things will be okay.
I feel like "everything will be okay" is the worst thing I've ever heard. Ever. Nothing compares to the pain in someone's voice when they have to say that and they really truly mean it. I feel like I'm slipping into a ditch. A long, dark, deep hole that has a slippery slope. One that it seems impossible to climb back out. But you know what else? Even now, in the most hurt I've felt in my life so far, broken to pieces I know I can do it. I know I can climb and claw and scratch my way out of this abyss. I'm Poppy Baldrige.
I am a strong person.
I believe in the all mighty saving hand of God.
I am a fighter.
I have such great people to lean on.
And at this very moment I lay this huge amount of hurting at God's feet.
I need this.
For myself.
For my friends.
For the people that believe in me. For my family.
Whether we are breaking it thriving, we must look up to God.
That's all.
Bless.

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Thursday 8/25: Respect.

I guess it takes something to shift me in order to write. So, I've decided to stop writing two entries. I'm a busy person and I figure I can just merge them. I've been battling with a cold for the past week so I just feel like I'm juggling too much to write two separate entries.
I basically feel the need to vent discretely if you don't mind.
Tonight kinda set me off. So tonight I'll talk about respect or the lack of it sometimes. It's all depending on the way you take something I guess. But in this case I don't feel like I'm treating exactly as I should be. There- I said it. I don't feel the equality God gave us to live under. It makes me just wonder what makes people think they're better. Sometimes they have more experience in something. That's fine. I get that but I certainly don't think it gives a person a right to look down on others. Yes, sometimes you are given a certain upper hand. No- that's not the word. What I mean is you're given a certain position of authority that can be used well or abused. I'm not saying people always get on a power trip. Of course not. It's just how you take a situation. I guess I took this particular situation offensively. All people want really is respect. I want to be listened to. Don't we all? I want someone to really hear what I'm saying and take it into their minds and hearts. But sometimes there's blockages. That's how life goes.
Bless.

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Friday 8/19: Commitment.

Sometimes I wonder what commitment is. Can somebody tell me? Cause I sure can't figure it out..

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Thursday 8/18: School/Starting again.

So school has officially begun for me. Like I said, yesterday it's completely bitter sweet. New classes, same friends pretty much, starting over again. Tomorrow will be my first class and I will be tackling Chemistry. Breakfast with TayTay then off to the mind boggling subject of Chemistry. Let's do this!
This blog entry will be a mix of what I usually do. I have briefly reviewed what's up with me and now I will talk about the topic I chose for tonight: starting over. It kind of relates to school so I figured I motto as well. (Still suggestions for topics are sooo greatly appreciated, just shoot me a message!)
So, starting over. I guess it'a scary. I think so at least. I'm scared of change some of the time like a lot of people. We get stuck in our ways and anything different is just foreign and difficult to adjust to. Starting over could mean a lot of different things.
It could mean getting to a new town, city, state, or country and making it a home.
It could mean getting out and into or just out or just into a existing relationship.
It could mean starting at a new school, with all new people.
There are SO many possibilities. There are SO many difficult or different types of situations.
Every person takes starting over differently. When I think of starting over, I think of change. What do you think of? What has led you to start over in your life?
Again, something to think about. I do that a lot. I like unanswered questions. It gives me hope that someone will come out, tell me, and show me somebody is reading.
So feel free to do so. (:
Thanks for reading. Bless.

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Wednesday 8/17: Summer- the end and the memories.

Man is this bitter sweet. It's the end of summer. It went by so fast. Now, half of my friends are to be off to college soon and the other half are in school already or starting school with me tomorrow. This blog entry will be dedicated to the great memories I had this summer.
This summer I worked at girl scout camp, went to Mexico, and of course had so many laughs and fun times with my friends and family.
Starting off the summer was the graduation parties, and of course the graduation. I'm gonna miss this past years seniors a lot.
Then came girl scout day camp at Mount Toro. I had some wild times with those girls, my PA's, and of course my co-PA Riah.
Then after some chill time a lot of my friends and I geared up for Mexico and made that long trip to serve a wonderful family. I'm so blessed to get to be part of that.
The majority of the rest of the summer I spent chilling with my sisters and two of my best friends Amber and Taylor. And of course Faustino was there too, to make the good times even better. Me and Karsyn of course hung out too. I love them all. My true friends really made my whole summer. I had the time of my life and I'm sad it ending but I'm excited to get back to school and work my butt off.
So, summer I say goodbye till next year. (: I hope everyone's summer was just as great or greater than mine. <3
Bless.

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Monday-Tuesday 8/15-16: Belonging?

Who all has never been lonely? Who hasn't ever felt lost of confused with the feeling like your heading into a fog bank blind?
I know I have. Isn't it terrible how you can be surrounded by almost all your friends and favorite people and STILL there's a strange hollow feeling? I feel it in my stomache, chest, or throat. Like in trying to have a good time but I don't know what's missing. Sometimes I get lonesome. I guess sometimes I feel like I'm there but I'm not really wanted exactly.
Who knows what I'm talking about here?
Loneliness can come from losing a friend or family member. Whether its to distance, death, or just changes that are made it happens.
When I'm lonely and I'm all alone I try to change that.
I try to make plans.
I dance like a freak.
I sing (badly most of the time).
I call or txt a friend.
I read my friend's blogs (which inspire me to great heights). (:
I read.
I OCCUPY myself because then I don't think about it.
I distract myself.
That's how it works for me.
But I'm still not sure where I belong. I don't know if I'll ever know.
I tend to feel a belonging feeling when I'm in church. I know it may sound silly but I really feel at home. I don't think anyone would guess it either.
I have such great friends as well. They make me happy constantly. I don't know how I'd cope without them. I have found out in the last year, my first year of high school, who my real friends are. I finally feel a little closure or something. I have lost a couple friends I thought were right for me but I feel better now with friends that I do believe I belong with.
Bless.

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Friday Saturday Sunday 8/12-14: Judgement.

Have you ever done something out of your comfort zone, just to try it on for size? Most of you I'm sure would say yes. Have you ever done something kinda strange and out-there, just simply odd? And have you instantly felt the judging eyes follow your every mood for at least half a minute after that?
What I'm getting at is that I think most everyone has been judged in their life here on earth.
Most of the time its un called for and not exactly fair. I know I personally feel judged often. It's not a fun feeling. At all.
I, myself, get kinda hot in the face, my stomach tightens, and my palms sweat.
I know, not on the need-to-know basis. I realize that we all take judgement differently.
Some people recoil and retract like a turtle back into its shell.
Others confront the problem person and ask what their problem with them is.
And then there's the people like me that are in the middle, that play it off like nothing has happened and paint on a happy face. For some people like myself, that's what comes naturally. It's easier than any other option.
Alright, anyways, ill reflect on some specific examples of judgemental situations.
1. When you laugh entirely too loud and tend to snort- unfair judgement. 2. When you fall flat on your butt or any other body part- unfair judgement.
3. When your clumsy- unfair judgement.
4. When your totally un cool and mean to someone misunderstood- fair judgement (why be a jerk? What did that person do to you?).
5. When you are on trial for a serious crime- fair judgement (they have a reason to judge you, its the law we're talking about here).
6. When you are trying so hard to catch a guy/girls eye- unfair judgement (its not their place to judge or business to get into).

My basic point is, most judgement shouldn't matter. It shouldn't get us down because its unfair. But the fact that it is unfair, upsets us. Why judge when you can just move on and not? I don't see the point.
Now, I'm not the best example. I judge before thinking too but I'm striving to be better. I want to put that away. I think we should all try to think before we judge.
Bless.

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Thursday 8/11: Beauty.

Beauty can be so easily misunderstood. Today, there isn't much of a strong, correct definition to this word. Beauty can be many things. It can be the way someone smiles, or how they love so purely without fail.
Who really knows the real meaning when there's so many?
Attractive.
Funny.
Great personality.
To me, its that thing that makes you realize why you enjoy the presence of that person.
I will give some examples.
I'll just list some of my best friends and what I think is beautiful about them.
Taylor- her crazy infectious laugh.
Karsyn- her quirky sense of humor.
Cassie- her ability to always be positive.
Michael- his funny, crazy self confidence.
Andy- his always constant ability to comfort.
Amber- her out going happiness that makes her glow.
That's only one of the things for each person that I think makes them beautiful people.
So what does beauty mean to you? Do you agree with me when I think about inside beauty and outer beauty? Or do you believe societies belief that as long as you have that plaster perfect body and face your beautiful?
Something to think about for sure.
Bless.

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my life- entry 8

Thursday-
Today I woke up to Taylor whitening for teeth and getting ready for the day. I was in a daze cause I woke up to bright light shining in my eyes.
I eventually got up and washed my face and brushed my teeth.
I went down stairs, then went back up, got my crap, and Taylor drove me home. I took a shower at home and got all ready. Then I got my school stuff sorted out.
Me and Dad watched some tv and then went out for in n out together and then I went to youth group.
Youth group was good. We had a lot of fun honoring John Paul and Sarah. They sure will be missed. Hope everyone had a great day.
Bless.

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Wednesday 8/10: Hate.

Random picture again, I know. But I thought it was pretty and fierce.
Anyways, on to today's topic:
Hate.
This is something that I don't possess. I try my very best everyday to never say that I hate something or someone. It doesn't make sense to me. It is just such a strong word and to say it you have to honestly mean it. I don't say it because I know I don't mean it. I don't hate anyone or anything. It's not fair.
Does that make sense?
Honestly, who wants to be hated.
I didn't always used to think or be like this.
I thought I hated someone that I shouldn't have. He was and still is a great guy and great friend.
And I can't ever be sorry enough.
So what's really the point of hating?
I'll leave it at that. Something to mull over.
Bless.

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my life- entry 7

Wednesday-
Summer is coming to an end soon. I start school soon and its finally starting to sink in. Almost a week exactly till my first day of sophomore year.
I'm excited but nervous cause I'm really challenging myself this year.
Anyways, what I did today:
I woke up late, showered, and went to go meet with my teachers to figure out my schedule.
Then I practiced piano and went to piano.
After piano I came to Taylor's where we played Monopoly (Taylor owned me) and Life (Faus dominated). Now I'm just chillin with Faus, Tay, and Amber. Fun times.
Probably gonna watch Scrubs in a little bit. I want ice cream or something sweet.
Bless.

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Tuesday 8/9: Sickness.

Sickness can take over.
It can consume.
It can break.
It can shake your life up.
It can wear you out.
It can end you.
It can tear you down.
It can make you give up.
Emotionally and physically, it is foul.
Nobody really wants to be sick.
I will always remember being a little blonde hair, blue eyed, innocent child bending over the toilet sobbing, saying "But Mommy, I don't WANT to be sick!"
It's terrible. I don't like sickness at all.
Any kind of sickness takes its toll. From Cancer to the common cold, it never seems fair. I know I am scared of cancer for one. I always will be scary. It runs in my family. I'm not just scared for me but for my Mom, my Aunt, my Cousins, even my little girls some day. I know Breast Cancer is not something fun to go through, let alone stand by and watch.
But theres other sicknesses besides Cancer. That's just a really prominent one these days.
There's diabetes too. It seems younger and younger kids are growing up having this. I know three kids with it. Two my age and one younger.
It's heart breaking seeing kids go through being sick. That's why someday I want to be a doctor I guess. I hate seeing people struggle of be in pain.
But for right now I can't do anything about it but pray. So right now I want to pray for the people all over the world that are sick or dying or struggling in life. And I also want to pray for their loved ones. Because its almost as hard watching someone going through sickness or hardship.
Bless.

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my life- entry 5

Monday-
I apologize for not writing Sunday. I was quite busy and too tired to come up with anything clever to write.
So, here goes how my Monday went.
After staying up with Lacey and Jamie till 3 a.m. we went to bed and then woke up at 6. Yes, SIX.
We got up one by one to take a shower each and get ready to leave the house at 8 for Monterey. In Monterey we got some coffee and a bomb croissant at a French cafe. Then we zombies walked around for a while going to the bank and then walking to the Del Monte mall. We shopped till we felt like dying and had a pleasant lunch and got some cute stuff.
We then went back home to Lacey's at about 5 and ate a little when we got home.
Then, Jamie left and Lacey and I soaked our feet in Epson salt which didn't help all that much... And then my mom picked me up and I drove part the way home.
Now I'm just txting and listening to music.
Bless.

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Monday 8/8: Trust.

What is one thing you need to build relationships up? To lean on mentally when things get tense or uneasy? Something solid- like support. It's part of support.
Any guesses?
That's right: trust.
I mean, really? Who doesn't need trust?
It's practically impossible to survive as a social being without trust in life.
It's sad that we find ourselves not being able to trust a lot of people you tend to surround yourself with.
Sometimes its easier for people to not trust people.
I know it helps that I can intrust what I say with a number of amazing people in my life. A lot of them must know who they are if they're reading this.
Sometimes its just something people rely on.
It's something I honestly think is good to rely on.
Others just go on through life not being able to trust. And that workable perfectly for them. They can be completely content with it.
I personally really admire and respect that because I could never keep everything to myself.
I could never be able to keep stuff from spilling out of my mouth that happens to be boiling in my head. I need the stability of a knowing I can TRUST somebody with my feelings. That I can run stuff by my friends.
It helps me a lot to hear peoples thoughts and oppinions on situation. I guess it means a lot more to me than I thought.
Do you need someone to trust with the stuff going through your mind? Or are you able to keep it in and mull it over with yourself to avoid judgement.
Either way, I know it'll all work out in the way its meant to.
Bless.

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my life- entry 4

Saturday-
Today I woke up and then fell to sleep...barely when I heard "GET OUTA YOUR MIND! GET OUTA YOUR MIND!" -Laceys ringtone. (x
It was pretty great.
I got up, showered, got ready, and went to Oak Hills to help Lacey out with the Yard Sale.
We cleaned up after a little while and then chilled.
We later went to the park to get a sign for the Yard Sale that didn't exist. We found a bike, took it, rode it around, had a hardcore adventure, and hung the bike from a tree.
We then went home, ate, and just hung out. We were trying desperately to figure out how to video chat with a PC/Mac.
We failed. Miserably.
Now I'm watching So You Think You Can Dance with my mama. (:
I hope everyone had as fun as I did today.
Bless.

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Saturday 8/6: Faith.

Faith.
There's so much to say about this topic. But I don't just want to preach my beliefs. I don't think I have to. I don't think I have to bombard people with that. I believe what I want and what I feel. I think that's what faith should be about. What touches your heart and plucks at those heart strings should be what you believe in my opinion. Maybe my opinion is something you don't agree with. That's part of how you realize your faith I guess. I disagree with a lot of people on faith. I'm not on the same level as faith goes with my family. Not at all. That's what sets me aside though. I am a non-denominational Christian. I don't judge others for what they believe in. I don't say they're damned to hell if they don't agree with my beliefs.
Nobody wants to hear that.
That's not what people want to think.
That's not encouraging to hear.
That will NOT change their minds.
That's not something you want people to know your faith for.
Who wants to think "oh, all Christians think all non-believers are going to hell"?
I like to think people will find their faith on their own.
I know that doesn't always happen though.
I realize some people just need a little insight and a little push to see what that is for them.
Faith can mean many things to people. I feel comfort and salvation in my faith. I feel it in my heart that I believe all that I do is the truth. It is the word straight from the mouth of God. That's just me though.
Bless.

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my life- entry 3

Today I woke up at 11:30 at Taylor's, brushed my teeth, took a shower, ate breakfast, and ran errands with Faus and Amber while Tay cleaned the bathroom and her room.
I rushed home at 4 to change into warmer clothes and drive to Milbrae Bart Station and get on this train.
Heading to at&t park to watch the Giants play the Phillies.
Though...the game started 14 minutes ago, I'm excited.
This will be my 3rd Giants game. (:
Posey is out though...he's my favorite.
Amber, Taylor, and Faustino leave tommorow till Tuesday. I'm praying for their safe travels as they go visit their Grandma. I love them and will miss them till their return.
Hope everyone is having a great day.
Bless.

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Friday 8/5: Power/strength.

Strength.
Power.
Practically the same thing but there is a fine line that seperates them.
Power is the result of good initiative. That's what I define it as at least. Power can be misused though. Abused. Thus comes the phrase power-trip. I think if you use your power to work towards a better life then you're doing something right.

Strength on the other hand is a tool. Mental strength or physical strength. If you have both, good on you. Strength can help you achieve power, that's for sure. But physical strength tends to help you achieve fear from others as well. Like power, you can abuse strength too. You can use it to threaten people or situations. One good form of strength is moral strength. If your morals are right in check, you are pretty much set.
That's all I have for today.
Thankyou for reading.
Bless.

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my life- entry 2

Thursday-
Today I got to sleep in.
So glorious!
I took a shower and then I made myself a breakfast burrito and watched some Jersey Shore -that's right.
JERSEY SHORE!
Wooh! Yess, then I watched some pregnant beezy and the Parent Trap.
I then went to the beach bonfire at Del Monte for @rk. It was pretty fun.
After that I came to Taylor's and we painted our toe nails and played Monopoly.
Amber schooled us all BUT I somehow miraculously kept my really big money maker $950 rent property.
I was proud. Still proud.
Also during the game Taylor slapped my forehead and hit my teeth with my glass cup while I was drinking and CHIPPED my tooth. Yes, chipped.
Now we're watching Scrubs. (:
Bless.

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Thursday 8/5: Hope.

Hope is the faith you have in a situation. To have hope in something you have to believe in it. So I guess this entry is about belief to. The lack of it or the always constant presence of it.
And I apologize for the really late entry. I was busy all day as you'll know once I post my next entry. These entries won't be that great since its almost 1:30 a.m.
But here goes it.
Hope should be always present in someone's life. Now, I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life but it definitely helps to have at least a little hope. It's all keeps you going sometimes. You can't just always assume that nothing is every going to work out for you.
Honestly, that's just no good. It makes doubt more present in your life rather than hope or the belief that things may work out for you or anyone else. The good thing about hope is that you can live life knowing that even when things are at their worse, you will be okay. One of my best friends told me that and I honestly live by it now. It will stick with me forever.
That is hope to me.
To get up every day knowing its a new day, a new chance.
To not let hard times get you down. To not give up.
Bless.

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Wednesday 8/3: Support.

Support is something you need. Some people try to go it alone a lot. You know what I'm talking about. There's always the classic story of some extremely independent person going it alone and realizing in the end that she/he needs someone, anyone to be there with and for them. Like Margaret played by Sandra Bullock in the Proposal. Now sometimes its not always such an easy realization or happy ending. Don't get me wrong, those things do happen. Everyday. All around us. I guess sometimes movies and books give us a false hope sometimes though. That's just what I think at least. But I guess if your reading this you care what I say.
Anyways, back to support.
It doesn't matter where you get your support from. A co-worker, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, mom, dad, brother, best friend, etc. Everyone needs just a little padding to fall down on. Just enough that when you hit the ground it jars you but doesn't break you. Others need a soft, cradling impact. Sugar-coated you could say. No matter how you take support and make it work for you it needs to be there. You all need someone. Anyone. So who's there to catch your fall? Who's there no matter what? I'm so fortunate to have a few of these special people in my life. I hope you all are too.
Thanks for reading.
Bless.

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my life- entry 1

Wednesday-
Today I dragged my butt out of bed at 8:45, showered, and got ready to go to the lake with Lacey. Unfortunately this plan fell through.
I ended up going to the Pixar movie marathon at @rk and chillin with the kids I babysit and Drew. (:
It was fun.
We watched Up, Monsters Inc., and A Bugs Life.
After that I went to Karsyn's and we just watched tv, caught up and had some good laughs.
Now I'm watching Step Up 3. I love dancing movies. I guess its cause o desperately wish I could dance. Buuuut, I sadly can't.
Oh well. Gonna write my second entry of the day a little later.
Bless.

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sometime this early week: life.

What's that thing we are going through? The tough times, the laughs, the hugs, the happy times?
Oh yeah, life. Life is a gift. I know some people don't think of it that way. I respect that. But I do think life is a gift. Now I do at least. I didn't used to think of it that way. We were all given this chance to live. To love. To enjoy. To make something of ourselves. To sometimes wish to be different. Life is a scary place to get into. Life is sure a challenge sometimes. Sometimes you don't really know how to handle yourself or a situation in life. Do you have that problem ever? Thinking you don't belong? In this life, on this planet, with these people? We all belong. All of us. Some people don't agree with this. That's fine. Feel free to have your own opinions. That's another aspect of life after all. To think for yourself isn't easy sometimes. It all depends. Everything depends when you think of it. Mostly everything anyways.
I'll be trying harder to post every day again. I'll be hopefully be posting two entries a day. One about what's been happening with me and one like I've been posting lately. Hopefully you guys will read. All feedback is appreciated. I love hearing that people read my blog and that they enjoy it. And if there's any requests on what I should post about, feel free to suggest. I do get stuck sometimes anyways.
I hope everyones beginning of the week is going good.
Bless.

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Saturday 7/30: climb.

Life has a tendency to throw things back in our faces. Life doesn't give you a break or cut you any slack. Life makes you work your hardest in order to achieve good results. Life is a climb. I know what your thinking, "did Miley Cyrus' lame, corny song inspire you today Poppy?"
The answer is no. When I took this picture I thought of how difficult life can be for us sometimes. How its like a 10 mile up hill climb when you have asthma. Your breathing is so bad its like you've been kicked in the diaphragm. When it comes down to it, we all know that we have to work extra hard to achieve our goals most of the time. I know this exactly from experience. You see, I have a huge expectancy of myself. Someday I want to be a doctor. It's my dream. Not only do I want to be a doctor but I want to attend Stanford University. I know, that crazy to be thinking as a sophmore in high school. A charter high school at that. It's going to be hard. Really hard but you see, I want to work that hard. I will have to push myself so hard in the next 3 years of high school. And then ill have to keep climbing this rough terrain for atleast 8 years after that. I'm not complaining of course. I'm up for the fight.
Then again, things could change. I could go to art school. I do love photography after all. Who knows other than God? Sometimes I feel like I'm diving head first blind into life because I can't predict what's going to happen in the least.
All you can do is keep climbing.
Bless.

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somewhere in between Thursday and Friday.

"A table for TWO, please"
"I want BOTH ears peirced"
"This PAIR of socks doesn't match"
"You have a lovely PAIR of eyes"
"When are you TWO setting a date?"
"A COUPLE of street thugs just mugged me!"
Sometimes it feels like everything is made in pairs. Sometimes that's nerve wracking. Sometimes its just a little over the top. Sometimes its what you need to see or hear.

Sometimes its a comfort. The reassurance that there is someone out there for everyone. Sometimes your not thinking about yourself in this matter. Sometimes its a loved one, or a close friend. Sometimes its what keeps us sane. Sometimes its what keeps us holding on. Sometimes I think of this stuff. Sometimes I just have to share. To type it out as speedy as I can while the words flow into the little expanding box in front of me.
For once, this entry won't be all about me, all the time. SOMETIMES nobody really wants to just hear everything you did on this day of the thousands of days you will have on this earth. That's bland sometimes. I mean no offense. I love hearing about my friends days and reading it on here too. I like a sneak peek into their heads. What are you thinking today? Why don't you write it down?
Sing it?
Rhyme it?
Dance it?
Pray about it?
Tell someone about it?
Just act on it?
I challenge whoever gets what I've just said to dig deep and see what's really on your mind. Not just what you post as your Facebook status.
Do SOMETHING with it. Anything. Really work your brain. School is around the corner, after all.
Bless.

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Wednesday 7/27: Sorry

Hey everyone that might be reading. I haven't posted in a few days. I don't think it makes any difference. I don't think any of you actually hang on my every word in my blog posts. But still, I'm sorry. I've just been in a daze lately. Honestly, I'm a little lost. But here's what's been going on- the good stuff:
*Monday- woke up late, showered, ate, and went to meet people for Jordan's surprise party which was a success.
*Tuesday- woke up late (again), showered, ate, came over to the Morris's to go to the Boardwalk so that's what we did- it was fun.
*Today- woke up late, ate, gonna shower soon and then go home and just chill since my family won't be home.
Well, I hope you all are having a good day.
Bless.

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Sunday 7/24: long day ahead.

So today I woke up to take a shower in a daze of half asleep-ness. Yes, I'm a grammatical genus. I went to second service, took my place, sang, listened, and talked. I got in the car with Amber to come back to the house. Man, I love that girl. Shes so caring and loving and wise. She never fails me. When I need to talk, she tells me all the right stuff. I may not want to accept it or hear it sometimes but it still counts. I'm so lucky to have her for a sister.
Despite all the positive influence I bask in around me I can feel a long day-scratch that, a long week- coming on. Grin and bare it, eh? I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Gonna get picked up later and go home and just chill. Bless.

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Saturday/ Friday: models unite!

So Friday I slept almost all day and then watched Teen Wolf for a few hours. I then showered and Andy picked me up to go to Geoff's bbq bonfire at Del Monte. Fun times were had by all I think. Now I'm sitting in the Morris's dining room having a "txting party" as Scott would say. (X very fun times fer surskiees. We are gonna go see a movie and gonna have a photoshoot in Old Town Salinas. models unite! Haha I love me some Morris time. (:
Hope you all are having a great day!
Bless!

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Thursday 7/21: no dairy.

Hey all like 4 of you that read this! Today I woke up at 5 something to drag myself upstairs from Taylor's living room. Then a few hours later after crashing back into sleep, chainsaws woke us up and wouldn't let us fully go back to sleep. Cassie let later and Taylor and I ate breakfast. After that I had a HUGE tummy ache. I proclaimed to never eat any dairy products ever again. So you guys, as my witnesses to this will have my back...right?
Good. Maybe I should write up a contract. (X and get my closest friends to promise to not let me eat or drink dairy. Hmm..I dunno.
Anyways, I'm super tired. I've also made a change to my blog. After every title that says the date ill write something that pertains to the blog entry topic.
Getting back to the 3 positive things of my day. (So far since I'm writing his entry earlier than usual.)
1. I spent some good quality time with Cassie and Taylor.
2. I get to nap now.
3. I get to go to youth group later. (:
Bless.

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Wednesday 7/20

So, I'm super tired and pre occupied but I will go over a basic run down of my day. Dangit, I forgot about the 3 positive things about my day.
So today I woke up and showered and got ready and went to the wharf and Monterey with Cassie, Michael, Taylor, Faus, and Amber. We had a photoshoot with some of Faus's family. It was super fun. The pictures were for Faus's mom's website which is pretty cool. We could become famous! (: that'd be soo cool to get spotted for modeling and just do small stuff like that. Not too much pressure. But I honestly doubt it...I'm too short and imperfect. Oh well.
So after pictures, we got pizza and fro yo! Yumm! My tummy wasn't so happy afterwards but oh well! Now Cassie and Taylor are watching The Swan Princess! Tehee. (:
Bless.

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Tuesday 7/19

Hurray lake day with Lace and Chris! I drove the boat after a little swimming. I felt so powerful driving. It was super fun! We drove out there to Anderson lake, got the boat in the water, warmed up the motor, and towed Chris on the wake board for a bit. I got home after going back to Lacey's and watching movies and then Amber picked me up so I could sleep over and be here in the morning for the photo shoot. Just chillin with Taylor right now. Watching some Teen Mom. Fun stuff. Goodnight!
Bless.

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A Special Prayer.

So I spent the night at the Morris's. The family received some hard news. I hope they know they are in my prayers. It's the worst when bad news comes to such great people. To have a close relative suffering due to lung cancer is so hard as I can imagine. I know everyone that knows them will be with them in this time of need. All warm hearted prayers are so greatly appreciated I'm sure. I will be praying everyday that God would keep his guiding hand over the family and I encourage you all to do the same. This family has been so nice to me and has always welcomed me into their home graciously. I spend so much time just hanging out with them all casually. I will always be here for them. Thankyou all for reading today.
Bless.

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Sunday 7/17

Once upon a time there was a girl that was forgetful and promised her blog to list 3 good things about her day everyday. She failed. So she's going to try again if you all don't mind.
1. I got to hang out with my girlies after church.
2. I got to sit with and be with some pretty great people in church.
3. I saw Harry Potter and got a pedicure.
So today I woke up at 8:30 and rushed to get ready for first service. I got there with time to spare and sat through first and second service. We focused on living stones in youth first service. It was pretty cool. Then I went to the mall and movies with Taylor, Rhianna, Cassie, Heather, and Courtney. The movie was good but I really strongly detest shopping and at the mall especially. It really drains me. I don't hate anything or anyone but I'm pretty close to hating the mall.
Now I'm at Casa De Morris with Taylor, Faus, and Amber. Gonna go see what Amber and Taylor are doing down stairs now.
Bless.

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Saturday 7/16

Today I woke up at 1 in the afternoon. Man, that felt good. For the past week I've been waking up at 6:30 a.m.
To be in my own bed and sleep till afternoon was such a beautiful thing. I feel so well rested now. This past week has been so amazing and has seriously changed my life. It impacted me so much and I am so blessed to be able to go on that trip. I know I've already mentioned this in my last blog entry but I can't help it. It was just so great.
Anyways, today I'm hanging out with Karsyn and her family. We are having a Teen Wolf marathon which keeps getting interrupted by the loudness of the kitchen family gathering thats happening. Afterwards we are going to watch Tangled.
Bless.

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Home

Hey everyone! We made it home safe and maybe not so sound but thats how we do in the Swagger Wagon! Mission 2 Mexico was such an amazing experience. Being around all the amazing people in aRk was so great. It felt so good to become so close to my small group and really feel them open up to us every night. I found myself learning that I could trust them so much. The evangelism trip into the neighborhood we went to was so inspiring. Hearing everyone's testimonies was so great too. I'm so glad I went and I hope to go every year I can in the future.
Bless.

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Goodbye ill see you all soon

Well, I am about to go to sleep and in the matter of hours I will be off, down a long stretch of highway to cross the border and serve in Mexico. I want to thank everyone who has supported me for the millionth time. I am truly inspired by the true generosity I got to receive during my fundraising. Thank you all. I look forward to working hard in Mexico for the upcoming week and returning to my friends and family truly impacted by my experience. See you all soon. (:
About 6 hours!

Bless.

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Saturday 7/9

Today is last minute packing day with Karsyn. (: I wrote down everything I need to have and had Karsyn list them and check them off as we went along. I think I finally have everything ready to go. I'm so excited! It's down to hours now! Just watching the Giants game now and chillin with Dad. Gonna have to go to bed early tonight considering I have to get up at 3:15 and be at church by 4:30 a.m. Did a couple tye dye t shirts with Karsyn today after my mom got home from her tye dye class she taught. Karsyns was a really cool blue one and mine had lots of different colors but its mostly red, pink, and blue now. Nothing all that exciting got to happen today besides that I got to see one of my best friends before I leave for Mexico. (:
9 hours!

Bless.

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Friday 7/8

Friday, Friday gotta sleep in all day on Friday! Yeah, thats what I did today. I dealt with some last minute Mexico stuff then watched tv and movies. Decided it'd be my last day to have a really chill day before Mexico. Watched some That '70s Show, Teen Mom (gag), Harry Potter, Baseball, Bones, and now House. I must sound like the laziest person ever. That's not all that attractive. So I've decided to start something new. On every blog entry I post, I will list 3 good things about my day to keep things up beat. (:
So here we go.
1. I woke up refreshed and well rested.
2. I watched almost all my favorite shows.
3. I got to have a personal day (I know, I sound selfish).
2 days!

Bless.

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Thursday 7/7

It's Thursday and I spent the day with Taylor, mostly helping her clean snake and lizard cages. Nasty, huh? Today I'm struggling because I'm realizing my bad qualities again. Three in particular.
1. My lack of ability to let people reassure me in troublesome situations.
2. My skill of overthinking most things.
3. Pushing people away or thinking I've pushed people away.

These things may make me perfectly imperfect but I feel like it all gets in the way of my development as a child of God.
I want to worry less.
I want to trust people more.
I want to learn to read people better. Everyone wants things. The problem is getting them.
Most of all, I want patience. Maybe if I keep telling myself that everything will fall into place, I'm loved and wanted, and that I just have to keep taking life one day at a time and ill get through all my struggles it may actually sink in. I want to believe. Patience is all I want for my life right now.
3 days!
Bless.

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Wednesday 7/6

Time to get organized!! Bought all my stuff I needed for Mexico. Got toothpaste, a toothbrush, shampoo, conditioner, Q tips, a watch, soap, sunblock, and sanitation wipes. I still need sunglasses though and some of the stuff on the tool list. Watching the Giants game now and just chillin with my dad. Still haven't heard back from Dicky to see how he's doing. Found out I'm going to be way over on my M2M payment. Gotta find out what I'm gonna do tomorrow at Youth Group I guess. Had a piano lesson today. I certainly did way better this week. I'm glad. Gonna just chill, practice piano, and do chores tomorrow with Mom I think.
4 days!

Bless.

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Tuesday 7/5

Tuesday! Ouch! Got my cartilage pierced today and its all red and hot. But it looks cute. (: thank you mommy for taking me to get it done. Now I'm watching Ghost Whisperer and eating a breakfast burrito. Yumm. (: well, off to practice piano and clean my ear. Have a great day.
5 days!

Bless.

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Monday 7/4

Happy 4th everyone. (: I hope you all had a great day. I spent my day with Karsyn and her family at their family reunion in Modesto. It got up to 102 degrees. It was sweltering. I'm so glad they have a pool. Their family is so welcoming and I felt just like one of the grand kids. I would like to thank them for letting me tag along. Whether we were looking for a bathing suit for karsyn at Walmart or listening to the little kids sing Firework by Katy Perry while we set off fireworks, I had a blast. Even if it was super hot and sweaty.
6 days!

Bless.

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Sunday 7/3

Hello Sunday, I've been waiting for you. Officially one week till Mexico! I'm so excited! Gotta start getting all my stuff together. Gonna go Wednesday and get my consent to travel form notarized at the post office or bank. That, packing, and paying my full amount is all I have left to do. Today I woke up to venture myself into Amber's room to sleep on the floor while Taylor got ready for going to church early. I woke back up again at 8 with the help of Taylor to take a shower then wake Amber up to get ready for church. Big crowd at the bbq and service today. It was crazy. Spent some time at the bbq then went to Walmart and the mall with Christian. After I got picked up and got my stuff from Taylor's I came home and then went to Stanford to drop my brother off at a tech camp. My dream college. Maybe someday. Just have to maintain a 4.0 all through high school. We'll just see.
7 days!

Bless.

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Saturday 7/2

Today doesn't really feel like Saturday. Taylor and I have agreed that it feels like a Monday. I'm exhausted for some odd reason. We didn't go to sleep that late. We are now watching some paranormal state show. It's pretty trippy. I used to be terrified of this kind of stuff. Not now. Anyways, my brother is leaving for camp tomorrow and there is a bbq for 4th of July at church too. I'm not sure just yet if ill be attending the bbq but it could be fun. Just chillin for now. Lazy day.
8 days!

Bless.

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Friday 7/1

I can't believe its FRIDAY! FRIDAY! GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY!! Nope. Not really. It's Saturday. Sorry you one person thats reading this out there. Friday I woke up late and ate my Bacon and tomatoes and then went to Taylor's. We made a fire!!(: and then went to get my phone charger and then slept!! 9 days! Bless.

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Thursday 6/30

So I super lagged on this post. It is now Saturday. I'm a little behind so this will be a short one. Thursday I woke up at 9, then 10 and took a shower and chilled and then went to the mall with Christian. It was fun. (: we then walked to church after Target and jamba juice- yumm. Then after church we went to go see Transformers 3 with Amber, Faus, Taylor, Geoff, and Cassie- which was AMAZING. We saw our youth pastor there and Karsyn and her mommy. Pretty great day.
10 days!

Bless.

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Wednesday 6/29

Somedays life is like a fork in the road. You have to options. Two different routes to choose between and you pray and hope with all your conscious mind and heart that you make the right decision. Today was one of those days. For me at least. Do I let all the bad stuff get to me and break me down or do I just stay positive and move on thinking that tomorrow will be a better, new day? I was a little conflicted with that issue today. It ended up being a little of both. It was like instead of going one way or the other on a split road, I went off road through the middle in fields and fields of country. I got up late and just really chilled until issues broke out and I went to piano lessons which didn't go over too well...I wasn't that good at all. I then came home in a rotten mood and read and listened to music. I was calmed down by that time anyways. Theres always tomorrow. (:
11 days!

Bless.

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Tuesday 6/28

Today is a rainy day. I love it. The rain makes everything so fresh and green. It's so...refreshing. I sure miss my bestest big bro. I hope he's hanging in there in paradise. Don't you just hate when family doesn't run so smoothly and you just want to get away?
Anyways, I woke up at 1 p.m. today because I stayed uphill 4 a.m. watching NCIS on my phone. I then made a breakfast burrito and ate a cookie with strawberries. Yumm. (: I should be getting my final payment for Mexico in on Thursday. Im so excited.
12 days!

Bless.

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Monday 6/27

Monday Monday fun day. Mom and Dicky came home today even though I'm posting this Tuesday. Watched the new Teen Wolf episode today.(: yeah, I'm addicted. Spent most of the day at Taylor's. We were trying to get a snack at 4 a.m. when I dropped a glass cup and lodged a chunk of glass in my foot. I was bleeding everywhere. Taylor then stepped on a piece while trying to clean it up. Smooth right? Now my foot hurts. We slept in pretty late and then took care of the house Taylor's house sitting for. Went home and chilled with my family. Fair day id say. Hey look, I ryhmed!
13 days!

Bless.

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