T R U S T

We are taught from infancy to learn the importance of trust. We grow up at least for a few years with a certain concrete trust in our parents. As we grow older we slip up and slide as we go through this crazy thing called adolescence. We become teenagers who our parents are told not to trust. Often we break this trust and let me tell you, it is a beezy to earn back. We are human and stupid and we naturally like to test our boundaries and usually we get in trouble. We make mistakes. And when it comes to our parents, those mistakes are never forgiven. You do everything in your power to follow every rule they enforce but is it good enough? No, often it isn't.
I am stuck. I am blocked out. Stressed out. And just done.
I want out of this "new trust" which just entails being interrogated and accused of the past offense. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to be honest, because let's be real- nobody reads this and cares.
I am sick of everything I do being questioned and doubted. I want to be believed when I tell the truth. I want them to believe me when I show them I've learned from my mistake. I screwed up terribly and now I'm paying. And it feels as though I'm never going to stop paying.
I want out of this house.
Out of the yelling and arguing night after night.
Out of the lies and the deception.
Out of the favoritism.
Out of the unfair judgement.
Out of hell.
I don't let people know this. I pray every night that the months come faster. That I can skip to next October. So people can stop looking down on me and judging me purely for my age. I want out.
Now.
I have paid my dues. I deserve to be trusted again. But that's not going to happen. Not in this house. Not soon.
Guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
Cheers. x