T R U S T

We are taught from infancy to learn the importance of trust. We grow up at least for a few years with a certain concrete trust in our parents. As we grow older we slip up and slide as we go through this crazy thing called adolescence. We become teenagers who our parents are told not to trust. Often we break this trust and let me tell you, it is a beezy to earn back. We are human and stupid and we naturally like to test our boundaries and usually we get in trouble. We make mistakes. And when it comes to our parents, those mistakes are never forgiven. You do everything in your power to follow every rule they enforce but is it good enough? No, often it isn't.
I am stuck. I am blocked out. Stressed out. And just done.
I want out of this "new trust" which just entails being interrogated and accused of the past offense. EVERY DAY.
I'm going to be honest, because let's be real- nobody reads this and cares.
I am sick of everything I do being questioned and doubted. I want to be believed when I tell the truth. I want them to believe me when I show them I've learned from my mistake. I screwed up terribly and now I'm paying. And it feels as though I'm never going to stop paying.
I want out of this house.
Out of the yelling and arguing night after night.
Out of the lies and the deception.
Out of the favoritism.
Out of the unfair judgement.
Out of hell.
I don't let people know this. I pray every night that the months come faster. That I can skip to next October. So people can stop looking down on me and judging me purely for my age. I want out.
Now.
I have paid my dues. I deserve to be trusted again. But that's not going to happen. Not in this house. Not soon.
Guess that's how the cookie crumbles.
Cheers. x

Day 28

Wednesday- always the worst

My name is Poppy Baldrige, and I am extremely impatient but also very patient in other parts of my life. When I feel like patience breaking, my head gets fuzzy and I feel light-headed. This is when I get really angry. Though this only happens occasionally, it happens far too much. I am patient with children, I am patient with God, I am patient in driving, I am patient with my friends. But I am NOT patient in arguments, at school, or with my family. I am far more patient than I used to be... that is a fact. But I am still working towards realizing I am not in control. Today, I am thankful for patience. Without it, I'd be in real trouble. 

Day 25-27

Day 25- sunday

Today I am thankful for The Table, my youth group that surrounds me with silliness, good company, spiritual support, and a family of friends striving for the same thing. For a good while in my younger years, I was pretty much against religion because it seemed so fairy tail like and I certainly did not enjoy being told I was going to hell because I wasn't Christian. I can honestly say that my mind has not been so incredibly changed before in my life. I realize now it is a relationship that you have to want and pursue because when it comes down to it, it is like a fairy tail. A fairy tail that goes through trial and usually isn't always so smooth sailing, a romance fairy tail where God is constantly pursuing me and yearning for MY love. 

Day 26- monday 

Today I am thankful for the small amount of money I have and earn. With saving it for gas and expenses, I am taking a step towards my adult life. This is scary but it's gotta happen sometime! 

Day 27- tuesday

Lately I've had a couple guys ask me, "why do you wear make up? what's the point?" and I was surprised by my answer. I personally put make up on to enhance the beauty I have a huge problem seeing in myself. I wear make up because it makes me feel a bit better about my appearance and I have no shame in that. Let's face it: Mommy and Daddy can only make you believe "you're beautiful the natural way you are!" for so long. Plus, if you all saw me without make up everyday you'd be a little frightened. Thank you make up!

cheers! Xxxx

Day 22-24

Day 22- thursday

Today, I am simply thankful for thanksgiving and God who blesses me with this time I get with my family and the food we get to enjoy with our dear friends. I would be nowhere without him.

Day 23- friday

Today was Black Friday, and though we did not go shopping, we did go to Starbucks at about noon and the baristas were soooo tired. They had been working since 4 a.m. or something crazy! So today, I am thankful for Starbucks Baristas because I know a good number of them and they need to be appreciated! 

Day 24- saturday 

Today I am thankful for lazy days and setting up Christmas. 'Tis the season! To watch Christmas movies, listen to Christmas music, bake stuff, make hot chocolate, hang ornaments, be lazy, make your Amazon wish list, scope out others' wish lists (and find the cheap stuff you can afford), and be merry! I am so ready for this! 

Cheers! xx

Day 21

Wednesday

Can I first say when I googled 'old people' it came up with many images of old people flipping off the camera. I am not impressed with society. Anywaysssssss, today I am thankful for elderly people. Some are just crazy and annoying but most of them that I've got to meet in the past two days of work experience are just plain awesome. Their insight is so different and unique it just makes me curious. Plus, cluelessness is kinda adorable. Cheers to walking another step each day to being old and crazy but awesome! 

Day 16-20

Day 16- friday

Today, I am thankful for learning. I get to tutor first and second graders on Friday morning and even though I resent getting up early to do so when I could sleep all day, I enjoy it a lot. Today was the kids' last day before Thanksgiving break so I got to teach them about the Native Americans and the Pilgrims. I liked it a lot because I remember learning all about the Pilgrims and Thanksgiving when I was about their age and getting to make art & craft projects. It's just so much fun!

Day 17- saturday

Today, I'm thankful for sleeping in. I love being out and about but man, do I LOVE sleeping in way past when I'm supposed to. It is a habit I really need to break...but I'll start that new beginning tomorrow... maybe ;)

Also, I love this song..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAPy64IgG58

Day 18- sunday

I am thankful for reading today. I got this amazing book from my sister for my birthday called Captivating. I recommend it to all of those that are curious about the truth inside being romanced by both God and a significant other. I'll note the link to it on Amazon below. I chose this picture because I always wanted to be that deep, kind of nerdy kid, reading and being apart from the world in my own head. I realized that this was not practical nor possible for Poppy. My attention span is the size of an ant and I'm to sociable. I do enjoy a good read if I can soak it in though.

Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge 

(http://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Unveiling-Mystery-Womans-Soul/dp/B0023RSZSM/ref=?ie=UTF8&m=A3VA5YMAII5VGS)

Day 19- monday 

Tonight I went to a crazy awesome concert in San Francisco at this venue for The Maine, Mayday Parade, and guests The Postelles. It was so worth the $30. So today, I am thankful for concerts. Live performances are awesome to really experience the bands you like and they are just so much fun! 

Day 20- tuesday

Today I spent hours driving from home to home with a friend of my Mom's to help distribute respiratory assisting equipment. It may not be what I want to do when I'm older but it is in the same field. I can't wait to start working towards getting more work experience in the medical field. So today, I am thankful for work experience. 

Day 15

Thursday

Today, I am thankful for my daily bread and drink. It is a huge blessing to be able to eat whenever I want and some people don't get that. I don't think I realize that fact enough.